the art of tying shoes

Today it is really quiet in my house. Almost too quiet. Is there such a thing? I actually used to think so. I used to just stand in and revel in a quiet moment, a chance to breathe, to be lazy and not think about what was coming down the pipeline. Right now though, I actually kind of miss the noise that a family invites. Crazy, right? The crew is on their way to camp up north with family and I'm down here holding down the fort with what feels like maybe the flu or really bad cold. Normally in these quiet moments I'm so thankful for the chance to be still, but I find myself feeling odd, perhaps a bit lonely, even? I think it's because I know that what makes a home is the people in it, not just the structure.

This home has so much life in it. These kids of mine are growing up fast. The stark reality of that hit me pretty hard this morning as I watched my 8 year old on her roller skates and my 5 year old positively interacting with his 18 mo. old cousin. This boy, this sweet, rambunctious boy of mine, who's always claimed to not like babies, is engaging this young toddler, who is obviously wowed by Sawyer's every move and whim and tries to emulate his bouncy, constant energy. It was pretty fun to watch.

Speaking of constant motion, there has been so much change and activity in our family over these past months. I seriously feel like I am completely in the center of God's will right now. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed by the responsibility of it all, but there is a peace in knowing that the things I've said yes to and those to which I've said no correspond well with that peace which passes all understanding. (Phil 4:7) That's how I know I'm making wise decisions for myself and for my family.

The first biggest change is that I've made the decision to step back from leading the Girl Scout Troop that I began a little over a year ago with my friend and neighbor. It is a huge sigh of relief because it is no longer a good match for me. It was not an easy decision but I feel peace about it and know it's the right thing to do. Working full-time at the school, while super fulfilling, leaves me with very little energy to give to a group of 12 girls who clearly need the kind of attention I just don't have in me to give. I found myself dreading meeting days because I knew I lack the tolerance, patience, and stamina that is required to lead well. To dread meeting days is not a good recipe for enjoyment, which is what this role should bring. Receiving the blessing of understanding from my co-leader really helped make it an easier emotional transition, and her I'm eternally thankful. She is the best. Not only a friend, but one who understands the demands of working with students day in and day out as well as keeping a household and tending to the needs of my family and self.

I had my year-end evaluation with our Principal to talk about my experiences working at the school. It was a great opportunity to be honest about the challenges and to hear feedback about what is going well. I shared that up until I actually started this job, I really labeled working at my kids school as all butterflies and roses. To my surprise, it's not been that way. I mean, don't get me wrong. There have definitely been some awesome rewarding days, hours, moments, snapshots. There have also been huge learning curves, mistakes made, energy zapped, patience tested, new boundaries shaped and re-shaped. Working with kids, especially young ones who seem to be a bit behind their peers, ones who have challenges, is hard work. The needs far outweigh the ways in which those needs can possibly be met by one person alone. I am continually confounded by the myriad of needs that students come with. Empty stomachs, not enough positive attention at home, too much screen time, not enough rest, too many demands, not enough academic support from parents. I totally get how hard parenting is; I happen to be one myself. I get how exhausting it is after a long day to crack open the binder and see what lies in wait for homework battles. (admittedly I've failed to sign that reading log or take a look to make sure homework gets done.....I feel like someone out there set the bar higher for me being an educator now).........Yet the other needs that don't seem to be met make me so sad.

On the flip side, here are the things I love: I love being greeted every day, multiple times a day "Hey, Mrs. Wahl!" Sometimes I don't even know the kids, which is the really funny part. Countless times have I tied shoes, consoled teary students, had to dole out tough love, I love getting to interact with other adults who have THE WORLDS HARDEST JOB educating kids. I don't care who you are. You could have gone to the moon and back or performed hundreds of surgeries on human bodies.....I don't care, people............teachers work harder than anyone I know. I don't think I could do what they do at such a dedicated level, but I absolutely love supporting them. I am a Para (teacher support) for one teacher who has a rowdy bunch of 3rd graders. He is like this big papa bear and doles out the tough love, is honest, is a really amazing teacher and needs some organization and support. I get to be that person. What a privilege. Not only that but to stand in the gap when things to south in the classroom, to know I'm a part of that community and I can be momma bear when I need to be.

There are other kids who give sweet hugs, or tend to be overly clingy, many who test my patience and sanity daily. When you have the chance to encourage and speak truth into the life of a child who tells you they think they are dumb, or who have a hard time making and keeping friends....you know you are fighting the good fight. When the new kid tells you that you have been making her hard days brighter....that is good stuff right there.

My pastor spoke recently about standing your ground when things get tough. Not running away. That God is on the move. Oh yes.....let me tell you, things get tough in schools. Little people can drive you insane. Parents choices can make you feel enraged. Adults who make decisions for kids' education have the best of intentions but sometimes just miss the mark. They're human, after all. Being in the public schools is about, at least in my mind, making lemonade out of lemons. Sometimes you just need to keep adding sugar and sweetening it up to make the educational experience better. But each child has something different in need. What works for one doesn't work for all. It's super challenging. I'm so blessed in be right in the muck and mire, right in the midst of both celebrations and long days. The laughter I get to engage in with my adult peers and little friends makes it all worth while.

The school year is almost over. Yipee-kiyaay-kiyoh. I have no idea what next year will bring. A new assignment? New classrooms? New possibilities. I have my wishes but I'm open to whatever doors God opens and closes, because He's brought me this far and "He who began a good work in [me] will be faithful to complete it." (Phil 1:6)

Spring break hump day

I don't know why after years of abandoning my last blog I just up and decided to refresh my writing and start up a new one. Perhaps hump day of spring break has something to do with it.

Spring tends to signify all things new. I can hear the array of birds chirping outside, the beautiful musical managerie that they create. My 5 year old said at our outdoor dinner tonight, "stop momma, do you hear that?" Even the busiest boy on the block is taken aback by God's details in nature. Pretty cool.

We are all feeling the anticipation of our upcoming road trip this coming July to a few National Parks. As I'm obsessing about the details of stocking our new camper with every possible item I can find on sale and meal planning, it seems that so many of our conversations resolved around this trip. One guy named it, and rightfully so, "the trip of a lifetime."

 If I stop long enough to breathe in that reality, i can actually see past my anxiety about the many long hours as a family. The boredom, the fighting, the exhaustion, the challenges of [gl]amping for 2 solid weeks....... the mess, the dirt, the bugs, the smelly, cranky, hot kids........

It will be amazing. That is the absolute truth. Amazing can also include hard. Sometimes I am too quick to see the glass half empty because I let fear take over. Or, I tend to build things up in my head......and I forget that flexibility generally means more fun for everyone.

Two weeks is definately a long time. But, if I blink it will go by quickly. Cherish it. That really needs to be the focus. I will never get this season back with my family. It's happening,  one mile, one meal, one day and one park at a time.

My kids, like most, thrive better together when there is time and opportunity to take space and play with their non-sibling. On the first major road trip 2 years ago in WA through the north cascades, there were virtually no other kids in existence at any of our campgrounds, strangely enough.  I had a premature mommy meltdown as we pulled out of the driveway, hands and heart in prayer that they wouldn't severely mame each other. It turned out to be a truly wonderful bonding experience for them. I was floored. [Really they had no other option] but no need to dwell on that detail.

So where exactly, are those adventurous Wahls headed, dare you ask?
Glacier Nat'l Park
Jamestown, ND (see the relatives; meet the 2nd cousins)
Badlands Nat'l Park & probably Mt. Rushmore
Yellowstone Nat'l Park

If you have recommendations for cool places to stop and visit along the way please feel free to leave a comment!